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I feel like I've been having more and more difficult conversations with Jack lately. I think it's because he's getting older, and as parents, we really do have lessons to teach our kids. I don't think My Main Man and I have ever sat down and made a list of what is really important for us to teach the boys. Have you?
Jack had his first "mean girls" experience this weekend. He did alot of processing in the car on the way home. We had a talk about how it feels when someone hurts your feelings, and in a way it was a good reminder for him to be sure that he isn't the one being mean to others at school. Where I stumbled was finding the balance to explain how I want him to defend himself, and others, if they are being bullied. I don't want him to take it, or watch as someone else gets hurt. I want him to become the kind of man that defends the little man and does not fear. To be clear, no one was actually hurt this weekend. Just some bruised feelings on Jack's part. My point is that I was not prepared. I'm not sure you can.
On Sunday, Jack asked me if my dad was mean to my mom when they were married. I didn't know what to say. He followed that with, "I know they were married because he's your dad, and she's your mom. But now you have a step-dad. So how did they get UN-married." ummmmmmmmmmmmmm. The only response that came to me was to tell him that he didn't need to worry about it, because mommy and daddy were going to be married forever and ever. For his whole life. He got a big smile and didn't ask any more questions.
Jack is also very curious about who has the power. He really wants to know who is the boss around here. So I've been telling him that Jay is the boss of me, and I'm the boss of him. That's how marriage works. Well that just doesn't compute in his brain!
How do you handle the difficult conversations with your children?
Wow.....these are the types of questions I face with Joey and Corey a lot! I've been curious too about how other moms are answering them.....I know that I have done the best I thought I could with Ariel and so far, she seems like a smart, compassionate, and well informed teenager.
ReplyDeleteFor the younger ones, I do just short simple answers.When my boys wanted to know why two men lived together, I told them they were best friends. That satisfied them. Once I gave them an in-depth answer on what happens to kids when they are kidnapped and they mixed up all the information and repeated it to my husband who then shocked at what his boys told him! (It is a very funny long story).Younger kids usually say OK and change the subject. My older girls need a little more depth to the answers and I take time at night when we can be one on one to talk about the difficult stuff.(proper behavior with boys, growing up, gossiping,etc...)
ReplyDeleteI try to make sure that I use daily life as a teaching tool. When I see something happen and it will teach them a value, I make sure to stop and show them right then. Another example: Yesterday a man was hit and killed by a teen driver while moving his lawn. The car went over the curb.It was right in our small town and only a mile from our house.When the kids heard about it, we stopped and all talked about how drugs affect your mind and body( the teen was suspected of this) and how it is SO important to be safe around cars and on the road. We also talked about and prayed for the people involved.Kids learn and understand when they can attach it to a real life situation. This got a little off your question, sorry. We take our values from the Bible and specifically what God has impressed upon us/convicted us in our hearts as crucial to our family situation.
As for the "boss" question, we have the same answer. God is the "boss" of the family and we all follow Him first. Dad is the leader of our team and makes the decisions and makes the rules(and fixes stuff ;-) Mom stays at home and makes sure the family is staying on track with God and following Dad's rules and takes care of everyone. Does he like sports? It is like the manager of a baseball team (dad) and the coach of a team(mom). Maybe that will make more sense to him.
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