"we do not grieve like those who have no hope..."

It's after midnight, and everyone else is asleep but me. I'm still coming down from the adrenaline & emotion from this past week. (I'm watching the shows I recorded while I was up north, but annoyed how they're portraying stay-at-home-moms.) I'm hoping that maybe if I can get some of my thoughts down then maybe I'll be able to rest.

On Tuesday, my mom called me sobbing from her soul, to tell me that my aunt Marylynn had died at the young age of 45. All the dynamics of her death made for much stress and sorrow for the family...but I won't go into that. She left behind a beautiful 18 year old daughter, 18 year old step-son, and 10 year old son. We learned that because of her rheumatic fever as a child, she had valve damage on her heart. According to the medical examiner, her "valves were shot." If she had gone to the doctor, she would have recommended valve replacement surgery. I was not extremely close to her, but I loved her very much. And watching my Grandma Dolly lose her second daughter is horrible. No one should have to bury their child, let alone two.


Random thoughts on this...there are many.

• Please pray for specifically for her children, and for their relationships with the extended family. I pray that they would feel supported--long term.
• I hate/mourn how spread out geographically my extended family is. Now that all the cousins have their own families, it makes it more difficult to get together. I wish Jack had memories of these people. "Grandma, you aren't supposed to live so far away from me. You need to live close so you can come over to my house!"
• I'm grateful that we all went to grandma's house, and Jack got a bigger picture of his family. "How are all these people my family?"
• Even among the sorrow, there was joy and restoration. We were able to truly re-connect with Marylynn's first husband after almost 15 years. Even my dad came and spent a few hours with my mom's family sharing memories and hugs in a deep shared sorrow.
• We mothers find a million reasons to put off taking care of ourselves. My aunt took my Grandma to the cardiologist numerous times, and never realized she was the one who needed the doctor. Please, be your own biggest health advocate. Get the screenings, trust you instinct, know your family health history.
• Please pray for Grandma dolly, that she can survive this season of pain. Dolly will be 90 this January!
• Thank you to those of you that helped with logistics of taking care of Jack while I was gone and Jay was at work...and to Mehr & Rach for all the prayers that the details would come together quickly so I could get up there. Thank you to my dad's cousin Lilly, who let us stay at her cottage just around the corner from Grandma's.
• Jay has been awesome. He was sick, his bank was sold, and he didn't complain when I left him home alone with Jack for 5 days. And when I changed my mind, and asked him to come and bring Jack for a night to meet all the relatives, he did just that.
• It was amazing to see how God took care of the details like food, throughout the week. Just as we would all be trying to figure out what to make at grandma's, someone would bring a pot of soup, or a casserole.
• I was surprised how comforting the flowers were at the funeral home. I always thought sending flowers never seemed like enough, but now that I've experienced this whole loss as an adult, I can say that food, flowers, and being people just being present are all amazing gestures and very comforting.
• We celebrated my aunt Saturday night, before the funeral on Sunday. Jack stayed up till about midnight to party with the family. He is 100% in love with Toni, and said he wants to marry her in two weeks when he becomes the boss. ;-) Here is a picture of Jack and Antoinette (Toni--or as Jack calls her, "Toni Net.")