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I should be more sad. I'm just not.  At least not for the right reasons.  

The death of this Grandma has been strange on so many levels.  I have never experienced someone die, and then not attend a funeral soon after. You typically imagine tons of family in and out of the house, people bringing meals, lots of tears, people consoling one another.  That has not been the case here.  I'm not saying that is bad--it is all just very matter of fact.  It is what it is.  

The truth is I just was not very close to her.  I would say from particularly my college years on, there was a disconnect.  So I have decided to remember elementary school Grandma.  The Grandma that would let me do her hair, sit next to her at church, teach me songs, and allow me to run down the beach at any moment to visit her.

I have decided to focus on what she has passed on to me, that I value...instead of what I don't.  She gave me the incredible gift of the love of music.  If you knew her, you know she sang all the time.  All.  The.  Time.  She is the person that taught me how to harmonize back in first grade, when we were going to enter the talent show together at my school.  We were going to sing "up up in the sky--the little birds fly".  (I have no idea what the real title is.)  She had a heart for those less fortunate, and spent time in the peace corps, and would buy someone in need a cow as your gift for Christmas.  (Heifer International)  She loved design, although our tastes are very different.  She loved photography.  She loved flowers and the lake shore.  All of these qualities are a part of me.  

 I am choosing to hold on to those things, and let go of the rest.