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"I am there for you no matter what." We have probably all said that at one time or another, but should we?
After finishing Bittersweet, I have been dwelling on relationships: building them, choosing them, and being present IN them. Combine that with a post I read yesterday on a blog I respect, and it got me thinking. Here is a quote from the post:
I responded all relationships should be conditional - not “hair-trigger” conditional, but conditional nonetheless. I don’t want to be Mel Gibson’s friend, for example. I am certainly willing to be supportive and helpful, but I don’t want to take up time in my life with yo-yo drama. I consider the other individual has the responsibility to do the work to make themselves healthy and my support is there lovingly when that is, indeed, the case. Getting one’s life on a healthy track is difficult, and I am certainly there to support my friends during that journey. I am not there, however, when intentional, self-defeating steps are taken to get back into the problems.
Have you ever had to walk away from a friend instead of watching them destroy themselves? I can only think of one that comes to mind immediately, but I just checked out, more than walked away. I'm not sure which is worse.
The last time I wrote about girlfriends, I mentioned that it seems we have less time to give ourselves to other people than our families. When there is not much left to give, we better choose wisely who we pouring into!
The last time I wrote about girlfriends, I mentioned that it seems we have less time to give ourselves to other people than our families. When there is not much left to give, we better choose wisely who we pouring into!
This was one of my favorite quotes from the post:
Relationships require the honor, integrity and effort of both individuals. That should be the condition.
Do you feel you are always the one putting forth the effort? In a season when we should be more picky about our friends, what are your deal breakers? Toxic people? Friends that use different discipline than you? Or is it as simple as geography, and you only spend time with the people close to you.
I have come to the conclusion that my love is unconditional, but my friendship is not. I'm so curious, is your friendship unconditional?
Do you feel you are always the one putting forth the effort? In a season when we should be more picky about our friends, what are your deal breakers? Toxic people? Friends that use different discipline than you? Or is it as simple as geography, and you only spend time with the people close to you.
I have come to the conclusion that my love is unconditional, but my friendship is not. I'm so curious, is your friendship unconditional?
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My friendships, as an adult, are absolutely conditional. I will not allow myself to be taken advantage of because of a long lasting "relationship". No ma'am......I give every ounce left in me of courtesy, shoulder to cry/lean on, advice, love and support and I no doubt deserve the same. Friends may not have the same amount to give, or reciprocate in equal ratios......but we all KNOW where we stand in someone's list. We may not want to face it, and choose to bury our heads in the sand, but we KNOW.
ReplyDeleteI recently have had to cut ties.....sometimes "friendships" exhaust you in all of the wrong, unhealthy ways. That being said.....it isn't always easy and sometimes really hurts to watch someone tumbling in a downward spiral.....but....at the end of the day....you have to do what you KNOW in your heart is best for you and your TRUE friendships.
Interesting points. I think to blatantly state that you will be there for someone, no matter what, is a very dangerous thing to do - because you have no idea what the future holds. I do think, however, that as I've entered my 30s (Ack!)I've entered with a small group of close friends who I do believe will play an important role in the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteI think one condition should be that you can be honest, even if it hurts, when you have a concern about the friendship or the friend.
I've had to cut ties on some relationships, but it's hard to do. Especially when you don't want to hurt someone.
I do agree with your thought on unconditional love, but conditional friendship.
Wow. Thanks for sharing such personal thoughts. Of course, I agree with everything both of you have said. Jane, I can't believe how similar we are! Honesty is so important. I think too often I don't say when something is bothering me.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with the others- my friendship is definitely conditional. I've never really thought of it like that before, but you are totally right (kind of sounds bad when I say it out loud though). In a world where my family is my #1 priority, I don't have the time/energy/ patience to deal with friendships that aren't reciprical in all things mentioned above- honesty, respect, time, etc. Life is too short to be friends with people you don't want to be friends with- for whatever reason. There are less than a handful of friends, who I mostly talk to very little and see even less, that I say I would do ANYTHING for. And, there isn't a friend in the world that I would put over my family. So yeah, I agree wholeheartedly- unconditional love, conditional friendship.
ReplyDelete